Episode #62: How To Regulate the Autistic and ADHD Nervous System

Ever wonder why you might feel tired, foggy, or on the verge of shutdown? As an ADHD or Autistic adult, you probably didn’t think that your nervous system is dysregulated — you most likely assumed that something was wrong with you.

“Regulate your nervous system” is a phrase we’re hearing everywhere, but what does this truly mean, and how can this help neurodivergent adults?

In episode 62, I’m chatting about:

• Understanding your nervous system & the 3 nervous system states (and how to tell which one you’re in).
• Dysregulated nervous systems and signs you’re dysregulated
• 8 ways to regulate your Autistic and ADHD nervous systems
• 5 signs to know you’re healing

Listen below, stream it on your favorite podcasting app, or scroll to access the full blog post.

Throughout this post, I’ll be drawing on the work of Deb Dana, a clinician and author who translates Polyvagal Theory, which helps us understand and resolve the impact of trauma in our lives.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Disclosure info here.

Understanding Your Nervous System

First and foremost, let’s understand our nervous systems.

The goal of a regulated nervous system is not to be calm all the time.

The human nervous system wasn’t designed for stillness or emotional neutrality. It was built for movement between states from calm or still to neutral, to a little bit uncomfortable, all the way to intense overwhelm, terror, stress, and trauma. 

Before we can learn to regulate our nervous systems, we need to know how our nervous system works. 

Your nervous system… 

1. Makes Decisions Before You Do

The nervous system is the foundation of how we experience the world. 

It’s a genius communication system that every second of every day shapes what you feel, how you respond, and whether you’re able to connect with others.

2. Handles Unconscious Tasks (Autonomic Nervous System)

This system operates automatically without needing your conscious attention. This is known as neuroception, a term developed by Polyvagal expert Stephen Porges.

It keeps your heart beating and lungs breathing, but it also determines whether you feel safe enough to engage with life or whether you need to protect yourself.

The ANS constantly tracks your internal and external environment, responding to cues of safety, danger, or life threat, without needing your conscious awareness. Think of it as your internal surveillance system.

Its job is to detect signals from three streams of awareness (simplified by clinician Deb Dana):

1. Inside Awareness: Your body’s internal cues (heart rate, muscle tension, pain).
2. Outside Awareness: The environment around you (light, sound, temperature).
3. Between Awareness: Subtleties in interactions with others (facial expression, tone of voice, body language).

It doesn’t use logic; it simply initiates a change in your mental state. 

• This shift happens before thought, and your thinking brain only catches up afterward by creating a story to explain what just happened.
• Even though you can’t control neuroception directly, you can learn to recognize the shifts it creates. 

When you bring perception to neuroception, you start to understand how your body is responding to life and why. This awareness is how you begin to build regulation.

3. Your Nervous System Has Evolved Into 3 Layers (3 States of Polyvagal Theory)

The autonomic nervous system has evolved into three layers, known as the autonomic hierarchy. 

These systems don’t turn off and on like switches; they function as states that your body constantly shifts between:

1. Dorsal Vagal: The Shutdown State

The most primitive system (500 million years old). Its job is to immobilize us to keep us safe via freeze, shutdown, or collapse. Signs include sudden energy drops, brain fog, and wanting to hide.

2. Sympathetic: The Fight/Flight State

The middle system (400 million years old). It gives us the ability to mobilize, activating energy for fight or flight in response to danger. Signs include increased heart rate, scanning for what’s wrong, and irritability.

3. Ventral Vagal: The Safety and Connection State

The newest system (200 million years old, found in mammals). This system supports social engagement, co-regulation, presence, and calm connection. Signs include easy breathing, unclenched muscles, and feeling like “you.”

What Is A Dysregulated Nervous System?

Before we get into how to regulate our nervous system, let’s talk about “dysregulation”. 

This can sound scary, like a sign that something is very wrong with your body. This is not true.

Dysregulation is a sign that something is going on that you might want to support. 

When you’re getting a sign of dysregulation (being tired, foggy, or shut down), this means your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. 

It will shift in response to stress, environment, and overwhelm — this way we can respond to change and then recover.

Our human nervous system doesn’t always handle the recovery part on its own. 

There is conscious regulation that comes in. This means being able to return to a place of internal safety and connection after stress, not avoiding stress altogether.

As Deb Dana says:

“Leaving regulation isn’t the problem. In fact, the goal is not to stay in a state of regulation, but rather to know where you are… and be able to return.”

3 Signs You’re Dysregulated

1. You want to do things… but can’t start
Freeze / Dorsal-Sympathetic Blend: Your system is stuck between wanting to mobilize (sympathetic) and shutting down (dorsal vagal), so you feel paralyzed in place.

2. You feel numb or spacey when you try to plan
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown). You may feel tired, foggy, disconnected, or detached.

3. You bounce between hyper and shut down
Fluctuating between Sympathetic and Dorsal States:  Your system can’t find its way back to the regulated “ventral vagal” state, so it swings from overactivation (fight/flight) to shutdown (collapse).

8 Ways To Regulate Your Autistic / ADHD Nervous System

1. Know That Neurotypical Regulation Techniques Don’t Always Work

You’ve probably seen all the nervous system regulation exercises and trends that promise instant regulation…

• Cold plunges
• Wim Hof breathing
• Gargling
• Humming
• Vagus nerve massages
• Gua sha
• Red light therapy

— the list goes on.

Some of these can be helpful if your nervous system is already fairly close to a state of safety and just needs a nudge. 

But if you’re in burnout (chronic stress, trauma) or you’re neurodivergent, you’re likely in physical and emotional shutdown, known as “Dorsal Vagal Shutdown”.  This is where the nervous system “shuts down” to protect the body from overwhelming stress or trauma.

Trying to jump straight to a calm state with intense tools can end up dysregulating you even more because it’s too much too fast.

2. Be Aware That Neurodivergent Systems Need Gentler Support

While every nervous system follows the same organizing principles (Hierarchy, Neuroception, and Co-regulation), the way those principles are experienced varies based on life history.

Neurodivergent nervous systems tend to shift states more frequently or more intensely with less predictability and require more intentional support for recovery. 

Our system is doing what it was designed to do, responding to internal and external cues, but the volume and complexity of those cues may be much higher. 

A neurodivergent nervous system might need:

• To move before it can sit still.
• Connection before it can reflect.
• More space, support and less noise.

3. Know Which State of Dysregulation You’re In

Recognizing which state you’re in and how you move between them throughout the day is how you build regulation.

Freeze / Dorsal-Sympathetic Blend:

You want to do things… but can’t start.

Your system is stuck between wanting to mobilize (sympathetic) and shutting down (dorsal vagal), so you feel paralyzed in place.

Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown)

You feel numb or spacey when you try to plan.

You may feel tired, foggy, disconnected, or detached.

Fluctuating between Sympathetic and Dorsal States

You bounce between hyper and shut down.

Your system can’t find its way back to the regulated “ventral vagal” state, so it swings from overactivation (fight/flight) to shutdown (collapse).

–

The following ways to regulate your nervous system are focused on using supportive resources, known as ‘autonomic anchors’, which is people, places and actions that help return the system to ventral vagal regulation (your baseline/calm state).

These solutions have to be located, tested, and developed through practice, and they are specific to YOU.

4. Notice “Glimmers”

Think of glimmers like small moments of joy or appreciation.

When you notice something safe, kind, or beautiful, even briefly, your social engagement system switches on.

? To learn more about Glimmers, this Glimmers Journal provides thoughtful writing prompts to help you notice different types of glimmers in life that you might be unaware of.

5. Drink Something Warm

Warmth signals safety to the body. It slows the heart rate, soothes the gut, and gives your interoceptive system a comforting anchor in the present moment.

So make yourself a soothing cup of tea or any hot beverage you love and enjoy every sip.

6. Move Your Body

Movement helps metabolize the adrenaline that builds up during stress and gives your body a way to complete the stress cycle, so it can return to baseline.

7. Spend Time In Nature

Natural sounds, light, and colors cue the brainstem to lower threat perception.

The environment literally co-regulates your system by balancing sensory input and offering visual predictability.

8. Talk to Someone Who Gets You

Tone of voice, facial expression, and attuned listening all activate the ventral vagal pathways, building a feeling of safety in the body through connection.

Sometimes, regulation looks like going out (co-regulation) rather than staying in (meditating in stillness).

How To Know You’re Healing: 5 Signs of Progress

Nervous system healing is a process of reorganization that unfolds over time and isn’t a single event. The process continues and returns; there is no endpoint as long as you’re alive.

You don’t need singular breakthroughs—change happens through daily experience.

Here are 5 tiny signs you’re reorganizing your system:

1. You noticed your state shift sooner when awareness came online before the spiral took over.
2. You paused before reacting, and a breath or two created space for choice.
3. You chose rest without guilt and trusted that recovery is productive, too.
4. You laughed, and your nervous system found a moment of safety and release.
5. You asked for support, which is proof that connection feels a little safer than it used to.

For More Support…

? Check out The Nervous System Workbook, by Deb Dana – 20% off

? Access my free guide when a panic attack comes on: Learn more here: How To Cope with Panic Attacks Worksheet or sign up below…

Episode 62 Sources:

• The Autistic & ADHD Nervous System: Article by Dr. Kristen Neff
• Heal Your Nervous System: Dr. Linnea Passaler – 20% off
• Polyvagal Prompts: Deb Dana – 20% off
• The Nervous System Workbook: Deb Dana – 20% off
• Glimmers Journal: Deb Dana – 20% off