I am proud to be taking part in this year’s Brooklyn Book Festival on Sunday September 21st, 2014 at 1pm.
St. Francis Mcardle 180 Remsen Street, Brooklyn NY
I’ll be on a panel (with a book signing after) called Swimming Against the Mainstream:
Rebecca Mead (One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding), Jen Kirkman (I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids), and Tanya Selvaratnam (The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock) discuss the expectations of our culture and whether you should or shouldn’t try to buck them, and what happen when you do.
Following the discussion there will be a book signing.
Hope to see you there!
And don’t forget Winnipeg! I’m coming for one show only Thursday Sept 25th. Tickets can be purchased all the various ways listed in the pic or at jenkirkman.com/tour-dates or call their box office at (877) 988-6487
Minneapolis! I’m coming for four shows Sept 26th and 27th! Tix on sale now at jenkirkman.com/tour-dates or call the box office at (612) 338-6393
On Being “Too Intimidating”
I was talking to a guy friend the other day and we were having a stupid conversation. He said to me, “Would you ever date a rapper?” And I said, “Why?” And he said, “What if he sang things that you didn’t like?” My answer was, “Well, like anyone who talks or puts words into the world for a living, I probably wouldn’t date someone who says things for a living that I don’t like.” But then I quickly turned it into a joke based on my year of unparalleled mini-rejections and a dry spell. I said, “Now. Would a rapper date a female comedian?” (Normally, I don’t say “female comedian” but for this story where it’s imperative to the tale that I’m a female who is heterosexual and a comedian.)
My friend laughed and we both said, “No.” But then he seriously said, “You’re too intimidating to men.” This friend of mine has a girlfriend and is younger than me and we have nothing between us. He technically would date a female comic – but he doesn’t. So he’s on our side and his saying, “You’re too intimidating to men…” was meant as a consolation and even something for me to feel empowered about. I didn’t mean to go slightly volcanic on my friend but I did. I said, “You know what? I don’t know if I’m allowed to do this – but I’m going to start responding to male friends who ‘console’ me with saying, “Men are intimidated by you” by saying, “That’s sexist and this has to stop.”
I hope I didn’t lose you with “sexist.” I also said, “That’s bullshit and this has to stop.”
Too many of my straight, male friends have told me – not unsolicited – but when I’m saying to them, “This is getting to absurd levels, the amount of guys this year that I’ve asked out, or casually offered maybe a friends with benefits thing to who have said, NO.” My male friends say, “Men are too intimated by women with a career or especially comics and musicians.” It always leaves me feeling bad. So, I’m to be punished for working really hard on my career and now I’m enjoying the bonus of traveling and making people laugh for a living? Am I supposed to console myself when I’m feeling like getting some with the notion that if only I weren’t so intimidating someone would be sticking it to me?
If this article is interpreted the wrong way and I get a bunch of White Knights telling me, “I’M NOT INTIMIDATED” – I’m going to jump off a bridge. I’ll survive, because I’m so strong, and intimidating, and truly it’s a small bridge that’s more of a summer watering hole but I’ll jump and scream.
I’m just wondering if other women are sick of being consoled with “You’re too intimidating.” To that I say, “Well, if that’s true - men are missing out on their lives, living in fear of women who…..can pay for dinner? and this is some serious bullshit.” Everyone loves to apply pop psychology to comedians (maybe musicians too) – well, let me get psychology 101 on you. It’s my sensitivity and empathy (like all people possess, I don’t have more of it – I’m just in touch with it) that makes me good at my job. In my off hours, I’m a nice person. A guy would only have to hang out with me once to see that I’m not always holding a microphone and I guess just being emasculating by my very existence. So, are the women who are dating, married, getting laid casually not intimidating? Am I to look at my friends and think they’re weak or are the proper amount of feminine or are they simply quiet ladies who cook? That would be insulting to them AND to men – it would imply that they have an easily intimated man who found a weakling to not make him feel bad.
It could be that this dry spell is because I’ve had it good – I’ve had it really good for the past few years and the Universe can’t keep up it’s production of men to throw my way – but whatever the case….if your female friends are complaining about offering themselves to someone who said, “Nah,” or having an overflow of male friends who are already taken – please don’t say to them in a supportive way, “Men are intimidated.” That shuts the conversation down. It assigns a complex to the woman and causes bitterness and it might not even be true.
And if you are someone who is intimidated – nut up, dudes. You statistically still have more upper body strength and you’ll always win at arm-wrestling.
Well, as expected, some responses that I’ve gotten so far are from dudes who are reminding me that “strong men who are confident like strong women.” UGH. I KNOW. Again, I’m not some librarian spinster from the 1950’s with cobwebs in her vagina. I’ve met these men. This article, unless I’m a HORRIBLE writer who can’t get her point across, is about NO LONGER using the “You’re too intimidating to men” consolation. STRONG AWESOME DUDES use this sentence on their female friends and I was wondering what other women - think of it?? And when men who are dating people think when they hear this? Are they insulted too??
Tortured goth gets her first press. #tbt
New date just added! As of today, tickets for my show in OKLAHOMA CITY on Wednesday December 3rd, 2014 have GONE ON SALE!
(Click “GONE ON SALE” up there to buy tickets - if that wasn’t clear)
This is ONE show. ONE night. I anticipate it selling out so please get tickets early because I have to run off to Dallas the next day. xoxo Jen
Just what it looks like when a girl sits around listening to my podcast “I Seem Fun.” http://jenkirkman.com/i-seem-fun
This way to a good tee-shirt (for fans of the I Seem Fun podcast) http://estoymerchandise.com/collections/jen-kirkman