Sorry, I Ghosted You!
Hi! Remember me?
Hi! Remember me?
It’s been years. You don’t even remember subscribing to this newsletter, do you? That might make you want to unsubscribe. But you don’t remember being born either and haven't unsubscribed from life. (Good one, Jen!) What I’m saying is, don’t delete this email yet. Let me get you up to date on where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going.
Where I’ve Been
I moved back to Brooklyn after running from NYC twenty years ago to Los Angeles. It’s either climate change or my hot flashes, but the cold winters don’t bother me anymore. The city feels less overwhelming now. It's less hectic than my brain. I stopped touring as a stand-up comedian in 2019. I never looked back, except to say:
“That was fun.”
“I’m so glad it’s over.”
Where I Am
In Brooklyn. I said that already. I’m writing for TV again full-time. I am 50, but since I'm not a man in 1936, I’m not retired. I have AuDHD. If you don’t know what that is - it’s ADHD and Autism. I knew I had ADHD since I was 35. I didn't realize it was the cause of most of my problems until I was 46. Then, I decided to do something about it. And this past summer I was finally diagnosed with Autism as well. That was the key to figuring out what was the cause of the rest of my problems. I’m also in perimenopause. That means that my body is preparing me for death. I actually learned a fun fact. Survival past fertility is Evolution's nod to women's enduring worth. Take that, JD Vance! Our friends, families, and the world need us to pass down our post-ovulation wisdom.
My side hustle is my podcast, “You Are A LOT.” It’s an ADHD/AuDHD podcast. Right now, it’s on hiatus until the new year, but you can catch up with the first 31 episodes. I talk about my experiences and give factual answers to big questions like:
Why are neurodivergent people misunderstood?
Why do we like to sit on the floor?
Why do we always forget our mug of coffee in the microwave?
Where am I going?
I’m not sure. I had a tarot card reading this week. The reader said he sees my career peaking at age 56. That might sound exciting, but not to me. I want to have “fuck-this money” by then and live in Positano. I'll spend my days reading and drinking coffee until it's time to switch to wine.
On my journey of “not sure,” I want to write a newsletter every ten days. Once a week feels too pressuring, and every two weeks is going to give me separation anxiety.
Time to Get Personal
I'm gonna try to get personal in these emails. The tarot card reader said I need to stop hiding certain parts of myself and live my truth. I was putting off launching this newsletter for a long time. Stuck in a pit of perfectionism. "If this newsletter isn't going to change the world, I'll die of embarrassment! If this newsletter doesn't become THE VOICE of a generation of unconventional, middle-aged people, I have failed! If I hit send on a 'good enough' newsletter, everyone will see that I am not the best writer who ever lived!"
And then there is the whole ELECTION thing. NOT writing about it feels like I'm ignoring not only the elephant in the room but the seizure-inducing strobe light as well. I hope you won't think I'm an asshole for launching a newsletter even as we're hurtling toward fascism. Or Armageddon. Or both!
You in?
Great! You don’t have to do anything except NOT unsubscribe.
I Wish I Had My Own Store
I swear if I could have my own shop like Rose Apothecary on Schitt’s Creek I would. The closest thing that I have is a merchandise shop online only. The concept of a “merch store” is very much a part of a touring comedian’s life where fans can buy things with expressions from said stand-up comedians act on them, etc. My store is not quite that, since I’m not a touring comedian, and I have a new podcast now that’s just about ADHD. I’m trying to make room for some new merchandise ideas I have that are all about ADHD, but I have to sell off my old inventory first. There’s a big 30% off sale going on until the end of the year. You can get cool and well-made (in the USA) stuff like necklaces that say “Over Forty” or “Generation X” or a hat that says “I Meditated Today Motherfucker” or a tank top that says, “Women Are Literally Humans.” Buy some stuff. It’ll get to you before Christmas if you buy it now. Everything is less than $21.
They're machine washable.
I also want to share fun things in my newsletters that I’m not selling. For example, I have these mop slippers. And they really do clean up.
The other night, when I was reaching for a snack, I jolted the fridge. A sort of open wine bottle tumbled, painting my kitchen floor light red. I threw on my mop slippers, squirted some floor cleaner, and slid around. Then I tossed them in the washing machine. What a time to be alive.
